I was late to the dating game. By say, ten years. Yup! I have to admit am very bad in the romance department. When it comes to wooing, maintaining relationships, texting every day, am bad. But then Love is a nice feeling to be in and I pursue it all the time. Like almost shamelessly, how much ever times I have got my heart broken, am always ready to fall in love. The funny part is in spite of that I have always been single. I am single in my 30s and I listened to many successful love stories which had stemmed out of dating apps that I wanted to try it. Who knows? Maybe I would be able to write my own love story?. I thought maybe am looking at all the wrong places and dating app is the right place to find love. I cannot tell you how dumb that decision is. Maybe little naive on my part too. But anyways in the pursuit of finding love in my 30s, I registered in not one but all possible available dating apps.
As though I had the most brilliant idea of casting the net wide, I registered on all the apps. And guess what, just like me everyone was everywhere! So it was the same faces on all the apps. #FacePalm. Initially, it seemed like a kid in a candy store. So many options!! It was easy to find foodies, travelers, and sapiosexuals. And it even surprised me by the number of matches I was hitting on, considering am a not so good looking girl who never managed to bag even a couple of options in real life. But then just within a couple of interactions, my rosy glasses were taken away. Dating was not as fun as I thought.
Single men still seemed intimidated by well-read women. Men in 30s still get to date girls in 20s, as they age their pool to fish only seemed to get bigger and bigger. Well I decided to try that logic too and guess what, it was the most hilarious thing. Young men were hoping that this conservative Indian aunty would be super duper experienced in bed and would part them some knowledge. 🤣🤣 So that sect of the pool was not my cup of tea. And then the men who longed for conversations and shared interests were the ones who got bored with their marriages. Which is way sadder and put me into a 'is there a happy married life at all?' mode. And the rest of the pool was filled with broken souls who were scarred with heartbreaks and divorces that they were shit scared to look for anything more than fun. I can tell you, people in 30s are like walking dead bodies, no soul.
Let go off your Emotional Baggage
The naivety is no longer there. It is not 'pehala nasha pehla khumaar' anymore. Falling in love in your 20s is way simpler. In fact, I don't even think you know what you want back then but just that feeling of being wanted and all that attention was enough for you to believe in true love. But 30s is not anymore like that. You have gone through not one but multiple heartbreaks by then. It gets more and more difficult to trust a person, to lend your heart and hope they don't crush it. But to dwell in the past and weighing down yourself along with the emotional baggage is not gonna help you move forward. Worse is to go through heartbreak and stereotyping that the whole of the opposite gender is that way! That girl ate my money, all the girls are like that! That guy cheated on me, all the guys are pigs.
Let go of the Bitterness
At some point in life, we have been let down by people and we have let down people too. What goes around comes around people! Don't hold on to anger. Disappointments happen. But anger turns into bitterness and bitterness eats you up. You don't like anything, you don't like anyone. It is human nature to get angry cos someone betrayed you, the life you imagined yours is no longer yours, why me when I was true, blah blah blah. All that is true. But definitely definitely learn from the relationship and move on. This feeling of being deprived will eat you up, and the anger will consume you too. Just because one looser screwed up your life at one point of time doesn't mean you decide to screw yourself up for the rest of your life! Nobody likes a person who is full of hatred. Nobody! I dunno, people say forgiveness is the key. I have not been able to master the art of forgiveness myself but at least forget and be open to new opportunities.
Whether you are in pursuit of love or not, whether you have found true love or not, love yourself the first and foremost. When you invest time on yourself and embrace yourself, you give more opportunities to yourself. Happiness starts to step in and isn't that what you want? And believe me, it brings in people too. Who would want to be around a cribber? Be a happy person and you will be surrounded by people. Who knows, the one you are looking for might also come flying to you cos happiness is contagious 🥰 Love yourself for all your faults and scars and mistakes too. Eventually, you are an evolved person which is more important. Love yourself so much that if you are in an abusive relationship get out of it and seek the love that nurtures you.
If there is anything I want in my life, it is love and loads of it. Could have been denied many a time, could have hurt many a time, could have let down too, but I strongly believe that fundamentally every relationship on earth is bound by love. Of course, the love that you share with your friends, well-wishers, parents are all beautiful. But that one person who goes the extra mile to make you special and warm and makes you gooey is a wonderful feeling. However short your relationship is going to be, love them with all your heart. Nobody is obliged to walk all the way along in your life, so however short the walk is, enjoy it to the core. However short the stay is, let them be there. Even if you know you are gonna have to deal with separation later, even if your mind warns you that you might hurt yourself, even if you are afraid, let them in and embrace love. Find that love that is just easy to be around. This is something I keep reminding myself too. Cos that feeling of being loved and that feeling of caring for another person is the ultimate happiness. And if love finds your way let it in please. I did meet some guys through dating apps who the moment they realized love was peeking in they decided to run away in fear.
Embrace Love and Nurture It
The most difficult part right? Cos once we know the person we stop putting an effort to know them more, do anything more, take them for granted, kids become more important! It is sooo alarming to see the number of married people on dating apps. Not just because their physical needs are not met but because they want to sit down and have conversations, feel wanted, someone they can confide into and what not! Guys, just get out of relationships where you don't feel like you are a part of it. What is this drama of I will still be with that person but need an affair too! So much more damaging than letting go of the shackles and finding new love. Falling out of love happens but giving up on love because you need to work hard for it is not okay yaar.
I started writing this piece like a humor section or punnery but then in between facebook distracted me and read a bunch of mushy mushy posts on love that it has become all gyaan kind of post 😀 You know, when you write, "looking for broadminded / open-minded person" in your dating profiles! Be that person who is open-minded enough to let go of the past and embrace new love without doubts. Open-mindedness is not about just looking for a random partner to hook up with.
This Valentine's Day, I just hope and wish - May love find you and you find love too. 😍😘[no_toc]
Pictures from Pixabay