I was ten years late to the dating game. I have to admit I am terrible in the romance department or as some might say I don't know how to find love.
When it comes to wooing, maintaining relationships, texting every day, I am bad. But then Love is a nice feeling to be in, and I pursue it all the time. Regardless of how many times I have gotten heartbroken, I am always ready to fall in Love.
The funny part is, despite that, I have always been single. I am single in my 30s, and I listened to many successful love stories that had stemmed from dating apps that I wanted to try.
Maybe I would be able to write my own love story?. I thought maybe I am looking in all the wrong places, and the dating app is the right place to find Love. I cannot tell you how naive that decision is. But, in the pursuit of finding Love in my 30s, I registered in not one but all possible available dating apps.
As though I had the most brilliant idea of casting the net wide, I registered on all the apps. And guess what, just like me, everyone was everywhere! So it was the same faces on all the apps. #FacePalm.
Initially, it seemed like a kid in a candy store. So many options!! It was easy to find foodies, travelers, and sapiosexuals. And it even surprised me by the number of matches I was hitting on, considering I am a not-so-good-looking girl who never managed to bag even a couple of options in real life. But then, just within a couple of interactions, my rosy glasses were taken away.
Dating was not as fun as I thought.
Single men still seemed intimidated by well-read women. Men in their 30s still get to date girls in their 20s, as the pool of fish only seems to get bigger and bigger.
Well, I decided to try that logic too, and guess what, it was a hilarious thing. Young men were hoping that this conservative Indian aunty would be super duper experienced in bed and part them some knowledge. 🤣🤣 So that sect of the pool was not my cup of tea. And then the men who longed for conversations and shared interests were the ones who got bored with their marriages.
Which is why I got sad, and it put me into a thought 'is there a happy married life at all? And the rest of the pool was filled with broken souls who had scars of heartbreaks and divorces and were scared.
I can tell you, people in their 30s are like walking dead bodies, no soul.
Let go off your Emotional Baggage To Find Love
The naivety is no longer there. It is not 'pehala nasha pehla khumaar' anymore.
Falling in Love in your 20s is way simpler. I don't even think you know what you want back then, but just that feeling of being wanted and all that attention was enough for you to believe in true Love. But the 30s are different. It's a phase when you have gone through not one but multiple heartbreaks.
It gets more challenging to trust a person, lend your heart, and hope they don't crush it. But to dwell in the past and weigh down yourself and the emotional baggage is not going to help you move forward. Worse to go through heartbreak and to stereotype that the whole of the opposite gender is that way! That girl ate my money, and all the girls are like that! That guy cheated on me, and all the guys are pigs.
Let go of the Bitterness
People have let everyone down, and we have let down people too at some point. What goes around comes around, people! Don't hold on to anger. Disappointments happen. But anger turns into bitterness, and bitterness eats you up. You don't like anything, and you don't want anyone.
It is in human nature to get angry because someone betrayed you, the life you imagined yours is no longer yours, why me when I was faithful, blah blah blah. All that is true. But it is important to learn from the relationship and move on. This feeling of being deprived will eat you up, and the anger will consume you too. Just because one looser screwed up your life at one point in time doesn't mean you decide to screw yourself up for the rest of your life!
Nobody likes a person who is full of hatred. Nobody! I don't know; people say forgiveness is the key. I have not been able to master the art of forgiveness, but I forget and be open to new opportunities.
Love yourself first, whether you are in pursuit of Love or not or found true love. When you invest time in yourself and embrace yourself, you give more opportunities to yourself. Happiness starts to step in, and isn't that what you want? And believe me, it brings in people too.
Who would want to be around a cribber? Be a happy person, and people will surround you. Who knows, the one you are looking for might also come flying to you as happiness is contagious. 🥰
Love yourself for all your faults and scars and mistakes too. Eventually, you would be an evolved person, which is more important. Love yourself so much that if you are in an abusive relationship, you could get out of it and seek the Love that nurtures you.
If there is anything I want in my life, it is Love and loads of it. Every relationship on earth is bound by Love irrespective of denial, being hurt, or being let down.
Of course, the Love that you share with your friends, well-wishers, parents are all beautiful. But that one person who goes the extra mile to make you special and warm and makes you gooey is a beautiful feeling.
However short your relationship is going to be, love them with all your heart. Nobody is obliged to walk all the way along in your life, so however short the walk is, enjoy it to the core. However short the stay is, let them be there. Even if you know, you will have to deal with separation later, even if your mind warns you, you might hurt yourself. Even if you are afraid, let them in and embrace Love.
Find that Love that is just easy to be around. This is something I keep reminding myself, too, because that feeling of being loved and that feeling of caring for another person is the ultimate happiness. And if Love finds your way, let it in, please. I did meet some guys through dating apps who ran in fear of Love.
Embrace Love and Nurture It
It is the most challenging part as once we know the person, and we stop putting an effort to know them more, do anything more and take them for granted.
It is so alarming to see the number of married people on dating apps. Not just because their physical needs are not met but because they want to sit down and have conversations, feel wanted, someone they can confide in to, and what not!
Guys, get out of relationships where you don't feel like you are a part of it. What is this drama of I will still be with that person but need an affair too! It is so much more damaging than letting go of the shackles and finding new Love. Falling out of Love happens, but giving up on Love because you need to work hard for it, is not okay.
I started writing this piece with the intention of humor, but then in between, Facebook distracted me, and I read a bunch of mushy posts on Love that it has become all gyaan kind of post. 😀
You know it's important that when you write "looking for a broadminded/open-minded person" in your dating profiles, you must focus on being that person who is open-minded enough to let go of the past and embrace new Love without doubts. Open-mindedness is not about just looking for a random partner to hook up with.
This Valentine's Day, I just hope and wish - May love find you and you find love too. 😍😘[no_toc]
Pictures from Pixabay