Well, isn’t the title apt? Soulmates can be a blessing but finding them can be really tedious.

Does it come as a surprise to you? Have you found your soulmate, or still looking for the one? Or are you already in a relationship convinced about your soulmate? 

Can you make sense out of it all, or still wondering, “what is this girl saying? 

My soulmate by my side is the best thing that has happened to me. She has no idea of it!” Maybe I don’t, or perhaps I do. Or maybe you have found love and not particularly a soulmate. Or perhaps you do not know what makes a soulmate different from love. Or is it just an attachment mistaken to be love? Do we even know what these are or how they feel? We are fed with theories on love and relationship through movies, songs, plays, novels, and hearsay. And we dream for these fairy tales to come true. But is it rosy at all to meet a soulmate?

The other day I was reading in a dating forum about how a girl met a guy, and when they sat next to each other, she felt a wave of current passing through! And that both of them were utterly perplexed as to how they could feel a present shock. Guess what! It is called a Twin Flame. Twin flame means a sort of high energy, intense, a continuation of previous love romance kind that builds on you on a spiritual level, blah blah blah blah… I was reading that, and I couldn’t believe it. I don’t want to. What a crappy story, I thought to myself. Maybe just imagination or the fantasy of wanting to have such things makes one belief so. But read through the pages of history or romantic scriptures, you will come across mention of soulmates and twin flames and kindred spirits! In Tamil, we call it, “விட்ட குறை தொட்ட குறை” (vitta kurai thottai kurai), meaning something incomplete in the past life is out here in the next birth to finish its purpose. Maybe that is why soulmates are hard! They come to work on you, show your faults, try to fix you, and when the work is done, they leave.

It is also one of the blandest relationships. They are just like you, so you can understand why they did what they did. Even if they are flirting with someone else, you know they will come around, and there is no room for jealousy. You would instead just let them be or let them go than fight over pettiness. There is no pulling your hair kind of disrespectful fights. You sit and talk it out peacefully. Cos you can read them, you want to give that space, and you understand them better. And more importantly, both of you are often the one who avoids conflicts. You can’t shout at yourself, can you? You can’t! You won’t be chasing yourself either. The usual relationships were one fight, and the other pacifies, disappears. There will not even be trying to impress each different phase.

That sounds like the perfect relationship one wants to be in. To be comfortable with someone and not work your head around wondering if you are getting manipulated. But this is tough too. A soulmate is your reflection. It is like holding a mirror to your face. You start to question your principles and ideals, and behavior when the other person is the same way. What you valued as right or wrong starts to confuse now; you realize all the loopholes in your theory. You are also in your most vulnerable self. Both of you are not judging each other, and so your conversations are like, “hey, which dark cupboard you want to open today? Let us check out our skeletons!” Yeah!! You know everything about them. Maybe that is why there is no jealousy or whatsoever.

But the one good thing about having soulmates is they let you grow and help you grow, even without pointing out your flaws. Cos there is no jealousy. They are happy to see you succeed. And they can hold the mirror from time to time to tear you apart and help a better version of you evolve. As you sit wrapped in each other’s arms, unwrapping one box of the skeleton after another, you do help each other throw away a few of those boxes weighing you down. You never have to be your best self to each other cos they know you, they know in and out, they know your naked soul. To walk through such open, heartfelt conversations is never easy. And to see the person still around after knowing the worst can be pretty gratifying.

But even then, soulmates don’t last. Like every other relationship, they walk in and walk out. It is only going to get a hundred times tougher to let go of a soulmate. Cos, you are not even letting go off on a bitter note. Maybe they are meant to go. The work of fixing each other is probably done. The result of lifting each other is perhaps done. But would you be able to find anyone like them again? Maybe no, maybe yes. Even if you do, this one is going to be in your heart forever. That’s why they say, “Soulmates are forever”. Not meant to live together forever, but a part of them will be with you forever.

I sincerely wish someone would contradict me on this. That journey with a soulmate is the easiest, and that they adore their relationship. And that soulmates are meant to be together and will last a lifetime. But if you are just married or your parents just found you a guy, and you want to parade around as, “My soulmate forever,” I am going to find you and smack you. And I can only wish you don’t see your soulmate after you are married to someone. Cos that is going to question everything you believed in and put you on a more horrible roller coaster. Tell me your soulmate’s story, please…

PS: Am still single and just pondering over thoughts and gyaan

PPS: Amma, if you are reading this, the above article is purely fictional.

All pics from Pixabay with text & quote addition by me.